SIGH.


it's sunday night le. meaning in less than 2 hrs time i'll be on my way back to camp. but the only issue i have is where im returning to later la. if it was back to nee soon, i wouldnt dread it, at least not so much. but i just really dun wanna go back to sispec. the entire atmosphere is just so oppressive. and it certainly doesnt help that my worst times in army were spent there.

Going back to Bravo to see my sergeant was great, but it didnt really alleviate the heaviness which was there all along. and as much as things were not as tough as it might have been, like they were less intolerant of our behaviour, and ICCT wasnt as tough as i thought, but i just dont really like the entire place altogether. and erm i think im seriously very anti-social lol. coz we're split into different 'syndicates' to do our sharing and stuff abt our vocation. and i didnt really mix ard with the others pretty much, only just know like the artillery ppl and some of the military polices (MP). i've never even talked to most of the others lolol, which is abt 2/3 of the group. doesnt really help that the PTIs (physical training instructors) are like super aa de. not my fav kind of ppl la. lolol. i seriously hate meeting new ppl. Zzzzz.

5 more days to go to my POP. am so not looking forward to it. parades are seriously screwed up TOTALLY, and it's so not going to be fun sia. >.< only thing perhaps can look forward to is one of my sergeants coming down during one of our rehearsals. but super sian la, it coincides exactly with Tsports this year, so i cant even go down at all. the freaking parade supposedly ends at 9? (starts at 730- ie freaking 1.5hrs)

well, basically i just want this week to be over asap. like really really asap.

okay. forget abt the not so nice week thats gonna come. went out with my cousins ytd! =D went to teoheng (3-10!!!). i went ard 430 coz i had cell. lolx. had lotsa food also coz my cousin always spam us with food de. LOL. we told her 1 laksa and when it came, she had 3 packs. LOL. yea. oh teoheng damn cheapskate now, now dont even have last song notification, just cut off de. Lol. btw met jiexin who was with tienleng, gab yokesan, chinyang and jamie (i cant rmb who else Lol). so coincidental. and ong jiexin is totally gay. HAHAHAHA. wont say why. hahaha. xD

had carl's jnr+macs+roasted meat rice for supper after that. LOL. carl's jnr chilli cheese fries really cmi. super duper salty. im never eating it again. macs seaweed shaker fries still da best lolol. xD after that played cards/watch tv until like 2plus. i tried to sleep coz i had to wake up early but in the end they started talking abt SANA then i got 吵醒. couldnt really go back to slp after that lol, partly coz everyone started getting a little delirious and laughing at every comment someone makes lol. finally ard 3plus i fell asleep. LOL. didnt do much today. went church, came back had breakfast, played abit of cards, then checked out le. i went home while the rest of them (still full of energy) went to my grandma hse. lol.

actly i dunno whether im ready to pass out (not that i really have a choice la lol). im not exactly looking forward to it, just that passing out means going back to nee soon, and i really wanna go back there. at least it's a much more pleasant place (at least from my current exp) and i know i'll enjoy the company much more. maybe it'll be better this week when all the medics come together. it's always so much more comforting when we're together.

hoping to catch up with zen and hazel next week, before zen flies back to china. =D

♥ on the pathway
to deciphering my future

WAH LAO I REALLY DUN WANNA GO BACK TO SISPEC. there's nth to look forward to at all and it's not a place filled with pleasant memories. im more welcoming to even tekong. x((((


maybe it's coz it's filled with lotsa unpleasant memories.

♥ on the pathway
to deciphering my future

last week went past really quite fast. coz last week at smti as a trainee liaox. so was like busy with settling all the admin stuff. plus i sorta became my sergeant's PA coz i ended up helping him settle most of the stuff, like collecting the camp passes, files, etc etc. yea lol. not that i mind la, coz it's seriously nothing. haha.

went out with some of my frens to the Alps (pseudo-)cafe on thursday night when we booked out coz we heard can sing ktv there. went there ard 8plus 9 and we were like the only ones there. LOL. which meant we just kept singing. hahaha.

had off on friday, so i went back to sch, caught up with some teachers, saw mr sng although didnt really have a chance to talk much coz he was rushing off to send his son for some kindergarten performance. saw jacky but didnt really talk either. got sabo-ed by my jnrs to go up and play tsports much to my dismay and reluctance (sadly cant reject coz need to set example in tsports grrr... coz i really dint wanna go up de. now so slow and stupid liaox. LOL) coincidentally jinghui off the whole week and he came to sch too coz his comp broke down from watching too much hk drama (HAHAHAHAHA xP) so we went ard together also. haha. got a ride from Miss Hani (who has a really cute car haha) back to tampines, and then walked ard there (ate old chang kee and kueh from bengawan solo coz jinghui had the ez link card that got offer. haha.) while waiting for cindy to come. actly supposed to have yw and tl but both of them slept and only woke up like when we called them (which was ard the mtg time le). so in the end the 3 of us (jh,cindy,me) went to kim gary (again) for dinner (despite me being quite full from all the snacking. xD). haha. sadly for cindy, Yin wasnt around. HAHAHA. xueling cudnt make it but nvm la, coz yin not there anyway. xP went to macs to chill awhile coz cindy needed her dose of coffee to stay awake and mug for the night. yeps. she ended up being more drowsy coz she ordered a hot one, and after drinking it she was like super duper full haha lols.

sat i rotted at home the entire day, only went out in the evening. didnt really want to go out in the end, coz it started raining like a few moments before i was getting ready. lol. went to Alps (again) with cindy, yw, gab and mengshuen. just chilled and talked, and watched some ppl singing, some soccer then went home le. haha. okay after we left alps, suddenly there was this idea to go see yw's cousin who worked at a lan shop nearby (park something mall lol.), coz he supposedly looked like Jam Hsiao. hahah. so we just walked over. wah i saw 2 of my sgts there (regulars somemore) who were meeting up to play lan LOL. everyday see already not enough lolol. after that we went home.

sunday had course outing. not many ppl went, but there was enough ppl (at least we had lots of fun lol) haha. met my sergeant at parkway first coz he went for some run at east coast park(crazy fella lol) in the morning then he didnt know how to go my other sgt's place from there. after that took direct bus and then went to shop for food and stuff (omg we spent 180+ on the stuff for abt 20 or less ppl, and afterwards some ppl went to get more stuff lol) for the bbq. imba sia. my sgt so rich he spend money no need see de lol. after that went to his hse and slacked (coz his maid prep-ed the stuff for us hehehe). sang karaoke (yes his place has a set, same as the teoheng one LOL) for quite some time then went down for the bbq. the smart and intelligent me brought camera but it ran out of batt after some time. HAHAHA. well, caught like 70 fotos already before it died. after some time we started throwing ppl into the pool! haha. seriously super crazy one the ppl there. hahaha. i was one of the last to be thrown in hahaha. but it was really quite fun, albeit very super crazy. hahaha. one of my sergeants ran off and directly went home LOL O.o hahaha. another one, a commando, ran into his car then drove off. hahaa. that scene was imba, like lots of ppl in the carpark trying to stop a car. YES WE TRIED TO STOP THE CAR. LOL. and my other sergeant even drove his car to try to block the way. HAHAHA. public nuisance i tell u. but in the end he still got away lol hahaha. went home after that, left at ard 10plus 11 lol. damn shag i tell u.

today didnt go out cept to eat. haha. i've been eating mac 3days out of the 4day weekend i had. lolol. imba sia. and there's the possibility i'll eat it again tml. i dun really care although im super duper heaty liaox. like on the brink of sore throat or something. LOL. and i sorta cried while eating macs today. coz i was eating the mega mcspicy (with lots of chilli) and it was too spicy liaox. hahaha. haiz my tolerance for spicy food dropped le. x( hahahah.

going back to sispec tomorrow. HAIZ. so freaking far sia. one end of the world to the other lorz... =((( although i know i shud be glad its only for 8days, still super duper sian. by right last week pass out liaox lohz. >.< i wanna just go back to smti. haiz.

oh by the way, i think i not gg to do admin completely le. going to take a platoon of trainees with 1 or 2 other instructors, ie on the ground de. well abit sad coz now i wanna do admin liaox. hahaha. but well, at least still instructor, and i think on the ground more fun and interesting, albeit more stressful also. well, just wait and see lohz. still got the 1week prep course anyway. right now i just wanna pop asap coz i dun really wanna go back to sispec. partly coz there's pt and icct. and lots of not very fun stuff in store for us. x( hope this week's okay.

♥ on the pathway
to deciphering my future

i'll sing it one last time for you...

it doesnt feel like monday. it feels like a long long time has passed le. lol.

didnt really do much today. just got pissed with ppl not complying only. seriously speaking, the ppl are really screwed up sia. quoting some others, i cant believe everyone's passing out as 3rd sergeants.

went down to my fren's funeral after we got released. saw the driver who survived and he looked virtually fine. some of my frens were tempted to just give him a punch. but i didnt feel much towards him la. i mean, what's the point at all? doing anything lidat will only cause more disturbance. no one wanted such a thing to happen in the first place. i think the guilt alone is sufficient as a punishment already. but passing the whitegold (direct translation to chinese) was really quite difficult. the overwhelming sense of pain and emotion when i handed the envelope to the brother was just so...

it was nice for the commandos and naval divers to drop by. coz the course if officially over for them, and they could have just gone on with their lives. it's just so hard to imagine everything. just last friday, he was still business as usual, still disturbing me the way he does...

i guess life just goes on. although this is the very thing that puzzles me the most. how the hell do ppl simply just move on with life? is it that simple? i dun understand and i dun think i will. but i also know that i do have to go on with life as well. yea, maybe all the more we shud forgive the driver, becoz one is bad enough le. going down for the cremation tomorrow. dunno how i will feel or react.


dun worry. i just need some time to quiet down and to get over it. just nice i cant take the role of i.c anymore so im gonna just hand it over to my fren tomorrow first parade coz i cant save him from taking on the role as well. think i'll explode if i continue.


you'll always be a fren of mine





to think i might not see those eyes

♥ on the pathway
to deciphering my future

i cant believe life goes on as if nothing happened

♥ on the pathway
to deciphering my future

this weekend's been filled with unexpected events. lol.

ytd went to party world with some of my army frens and sgts, after that went to fish&co at ion for late dinner. had lotsa fun but was super duper shagged by the time i reached home. i think i just dozed off in on bed w/o realising.

woke up at 11plus and then fell right back to slp and then woke up ard 2plus with a headache. went with my mum to meet my aunt who happened to be at pasir ris. received some really shocking and somewhat traumatising news from one of my army frens. met up with cindy, xueling, val, tienleng and yanwen for dinner (who cheered me up quite abit) and then went home coz i didnt want to watch 2012.

i cant believe that someone whom i just saw ytd would pass away so suddenly. i mean, he's not a close fren or anything, but that just aint the point. i guess i just cant uds the concept of death, and the sudden-ness of this entire thing just hit me so hard i didnt really know how to react. i really dun uds how im feeling, nor do i know how to describe it. its just so... idk.

but i cant comprehend how some ppl are like so insensitive. well i guess that includes me as well, coz i wasnt exactly very nice (before or now), but its just that, just now when some ppl were asking me abt it, the stuff they said felt so ridiculous. i know that they're upset and shocked by the news as well, but the way they described the entire thing was like the notion of death didnt hit them. like they were just discussing abt how it happened and everything and it just didnt feel right or anything.

well, on the sidenote, i shud be staying at smti as instructor la. probably doing admin if its cfm but not sure either. but i guess im relieved that i dun have to worry abt this anymore.

i like this song alot. it just feels really vulnerable (as cindy describes mariah's voice). but it's just so broken and it's like a cryout right from the heart.

We belong together (Mariah Carey)

I didn't mean it when I said I didn't love you so
I should have held on tight I never shoulda let you go
I didn't know nothing I was stupid, I was foolish
I was lying to myself

I could not fathom that I would ever be without your love
Never imagined I'd be sitting here beside myself
'Cause I didn't know you, 'cause I didn't know me
But I thought I knew everything
I'd never fail

The feeling that I'm feeling now that I don't hear your voice
Or have your touch and kiss your lips 'cause I don't have a choice
Oh, what I wouldn't give to have you lying by my side
Right here, 'cause baby
(We belong together)

When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby, please
'Cause we belong together

Who else am I gon' lean on when times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone 'till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place there ain't nobody there
Oh, baby baby, we belong together

I can't sleep at night when you are on my mind
Bobby Womack's on the radio saying to me:
"If you think you're lonely now"
Wait a minute this is too deep (too deep)
I gotta change the station so I turn the dial
Trying to catch a break and then I hear baby face
I only think of you and it's breaking my heart
I'm trying to keep it together but I'm falling apart

I'm feeling all out of my element
I'm throwing things, crying
Trying to figure out where the hell I went wrong
The pain reflected in this song it ain't even half of what
I'm feeling inside
I need you, need you back in my life, baby
(We belong together)

When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby, please
'Cause we belong together

Who else am I gon' lean on when times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone 'til the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place there ain't nobody there
Oh, baby baby, we belong together, baby!

When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby, please
'Cause we belong together

Who I'm gonna lean on when times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me 'til the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place there ain't nobody there
Oh, baby baby, we belong together



R.I.P.



trying to figure where the hell i went wrong

♥ on the pathway
to deciphering my future

POST #333

lol.. just came back from field camp this morning. well it's just a morning one, but with 3 missions, day, dusk and dawn. and it's super duper tiring. no joke yo.. somemore i just kept carrying and supporting others. and my section's sorta the most chor one. lolol. and for the last mission i was one of the medics. and i daresay i was the only one who was actually doing my job. lolol. well had like only 3-4 hrs of slp last nite. and im like super duper bitten by sandflies+mosquitoes. imba sia.

and the best thing's im the next (immediate) i/c after field camp. damn shiok sia. like i dunno more than half of what's going on, plus i've never actually been an ic before in army. wow. so in the end while most ppl had like 1-2hrs of slp after we came home, i didnt slp at all. lol. kudos man. and im like seriously aching all over (again) LOL.

ah but well, at least field camp's over le. and this week is hopefully coming to an end soon. real soon. actly tonight we have night's off, but erm it's really inconvenient to go back in the morning, so im still gg back camp later. like real soon la lol.

do pray or wish me luck for tml. interview for instructor as my posting. i guess as long as i do alright, i shud be able to get it la. but i think i'll end up doing admin instead of teaching basic medic course. coz everyone is saying i'll do admin, esp my sergeants. they say i got admin face. got mehz???? lolololz.. but ah well, i guess i dun really mind staying here? Lol. i hope its the right choice.

♥ on the pathway
to deciphering my future